6 Ways Catholic Dads Can Be Different than “TV Dads” in the Delivery Room
Are you a soon-to-be Catholic Dad getting close to welcoming your first child into the world? Wondering what you can do those first few days once he gets here?
You're not alone! We just welcomed our first-born (James) into the world 6 days ago, and it was a subliminal experience! It is amazing how wonderfully and perfectly God made us in order to share in his Divine Plan for bringing new life into the world. This is true both physically and spiritually; your life fundamentally changes when you become a parent.
Unfortunately, our experience at the hospital was that the medical community almost exclusively focuses on the physical aspect of birthing.. and as a result seem to ignore or discount the importance of the father during childbirth. The caricature of the “TV Dad” has been accepted as the stereotype in the delivery room. But you as a Catholic Dad are still very much needed to bring your child into the world! Below are 5 ways you can fully live your role as father and husband in the delivery room and the first few days with your newest family member.
Prayer. Catholic Dads are spiritually necessary for labor. From praying with my wife before delivery, to silently praying for James when he was struggling to nurse the few days, prayer is both efficacious for a healthy delivery, and for life.
Be engaged in the physical process. Breastfeeding is hard. Delivery is very hard. Although we aren't the physical providers for our children in the same way Mommy is, we still should understand and help with those tasks. Like coaching your wife through breathing (something I was not prepared for), providing physical comfort during labor, or helping to troubleshoot with a third hand during the breastfeeding.
Know when to make decisions. There are a lot of decisions to be made during the first 48 hours, such as whether to have an epidural, bottle or breast feeding, and whether certain medical procedures need to be done. While hopefully you and your wife have discussed the major decisions that need to be made and have a birthing plan, actually making those decisions or deviating from them can be very stressful for an already worn out mother. Be willing to make the decision and be your wife and child's champion if needed. I’m sure Mary wasn't the one arguing with the Innkeepers in Bethlehem.
Get your hands dirty. Learn how to do the physical things for your child you can do, like changing diapers or swaddling. The physical labors of child rearing aren't exclusive to motherhood. You’re both going to have to do the unpleasant chores that come with being a parent.
Be a sacrificial lover. Your wife is going to be 100% focused on the new baby, which is how it should be. Even to the point of potentially not taking care of her own needs. As a father, this is the time to love through sacrifice. Be willing to support Mommy by giving her the things she needs to keep supporting and feeding the baby. This could be getting food, letting her control the recovery room remote (even during the playoffs), and coddling a screaming baby for a few hours while she gets some overdue sleep. This also means loving her in the way she needs (5 love languages anyone), which may mean doing things you are uncomfortable with like acknowledging how great she is doing, or saying I love you. Give her 100% so she can give your child 100%.
Don't take it personal. To the hospital staff, you are not an important part of this process. In fact, some of the doctors and nurses might not even acknowledge that you are in the room! Just ignore it and focus on how to help them support your wife during the 48 hours you are there. Your vocational role as father and husband is still critical and God-ordained, even if it’s not valued by the world.