Advent Meditations for Fathers - Day 3 - Stability
And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject the them.. and Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and grace with God and men. - Luke 2:51-52
When reading scripture, it is tempting to believe that the characters of the Bible lived in a state of nearly constant activity filled with wars, plagues, heroes, heart break, and turmoil. There is very little said about the monotonous day to day lives that filled up the vast majority of salvation history. We tend to forget that there were 2,000 years of history between Abraham and Christ, and as a result compare our relatively boring, monotonous lives with the awe-inspiring stories that represent less than 1% of the biblical reality. Our hearts as men long for battle and adventure, a chance for heroic sacrifice and the nobility of action that mirrors the bravery of David against Goliath, the adventures of St Paul, or the virtue of Elijah and the prophets.
Our deepest fear is not a painful death, but of an unlived life for us or our children.
Part of the wisdom of Benedictine Spirituality is the vow of stability that every monk takes to his community. This commitment to fostering constancy in his life allows the monk to focus daily on personal spiritual growth in his relationship with God as well as his relationship with the others in his community. The resulting sameness releases him from the constant motion and the unknown that come from a secular life, giving him the freedom to develop in those areas of life that matter most. When this effect is compounded across decades of life, and centuries of monastic life, it creates a formidable fortress of faith that is not easily shaken by the storms of the world.
As Fathers, part of our vocational calling is establishing stability for our families, both in a material and a spiritual sense. This constancy provides a foundation upon which our children can learn and grow, as well as a base camp for them to return to when life becomes tumultuous. Following the example of St Joseph, this quiet, mostly unsung commitment to maintaining the mundane may be one of the most important ways that we can contribute to our own children growing in Wisdom, Age and Grace.
Below are some suggestions on how you can foster stability in your own family life:
Focus on establishing family rituals. Maybe this is family prayer every night. Or Taco Tuesdays. Or seasonal things that become tradition. The importance is consistency and creating an anchor for your family to reference to.
Focus on emotional stability. Try to take a pause before becoming overly upset with your children. Help your younger kids learn to self regulate by providing them your presence as an anchor
Take into account family stability when looking at major life changes, and temper change for the sake of change. Is that promotion or new job worth the change in family life? Is now the right time to do a major home renovation? Involve your family in these decisions so the stress of the change is minimized.